“Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” -Lilo & Stitch
Most of you are probably familiar with this quote, for me it means a little bit more. Almost a year ago now, my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our second child. We were just starting to tell people around the time of my second appointment, my first ultrasound with this baby. I was excited to see the little fellow even if it’s not much to look at so early. The ultrasound technician didn’t say much to me or give me any pictures and I thought that was kind of odd. I was to see the Dr. for a follow up right after, so I didn’t get too concerned. It turns out, I had had a miscarriage. And I was devastated. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Even though I had never met the little one, they were loved, deeply. I was just flooded with all of the “They’ll never’s.” They’ll never hold mommy’s hand, they’ll never feel mommy’s warmth and comfort, play with their older brother, smile, giggle, cry; nothing.
It was a very emotional time for me. I wanted that child. I had a D&C scheduled and the date in which it was scheduled was the anniversary date of my grandfather’s passing. After the procedure, we weren’t sure what to do. The “remains” would be kept in a lab somewhere, and if ever need they could use it for testing. I had the thought of getting to see my baby and burrying them. Everyone seemed to just give me a weird look and discourage any idea of physical closure. You’re just supposed to go on with life as if you were never pregnant in the first place. I can’t do that though. It was my baby.
Since a lot of other things were happening and staying in the area wasn’t a certainty, we just put things on hold with making a decision about what to do with the baby. We did and up moving twice in those next few months and due to other circumstances we no longer have the money to do any sort of physical closure.
We had thought about naming it, but, without knowing gender, it made it difficult. I had brought up many different gender neutral names but none of them seemed to fit. It was always in the back of our minds and anytime one of us thought of a possible name all we would have to say is “well, what about…” and we’d both know, but could never agree on anything.
A few days ago I had come across a wall decal that was the “Ohana” quote from Lilo & Stitch. I loved Lilo & Stitch growing up and it was just a heartwarming film that stuck with me, with many life lessons and quotes attatched.
I didn’t think about it at first, but I kept seeing the decal popping up here and there. Then as I thought about the saying, I began to remember my baby and how I’d never forget them because they were apart of me. So, I began to toss it around in my mind, naming our lost little one Ohana. Last night, I threw it past my husband. His response was “Ohana… What does Ohana mean?” and I quoted Stitch. He thought for a moment and agreed that it was a perfect fitting name.
I cried a little, but it was a weight off of me. I now feel like I have some sort of closure.
I now want to purchase that wall decal and then it doesn’t matter where we move, we can always have the decal on a wall and remember our little Ohana. Out little family that nobody will be forgotten or left behind.