Why, Oh Why?

Tonight, my mind is spinning. So much going on in this world that is just absurd. My husband asked me to take a look at some posts and notes to help him with an assignment. As I began reading these comments, I became disturbed.

Some of the things I read went along the lines that if I am not maternal and essentially caring, then an I not a woman? And if not, what then am I?
And
The first five years I was a stay at home mom with my first two children, and it was the most work I will have ever done. Financially it made sense for me to stay home while my husband to work but when I got the chance to do what I wanted, we all agree I’m a much better wife and mother.

As for the first one, being a mother does not solely define you as a woman. Some cannot have children, some do not have children. That does not make them any less of a woman. However, you do not become “maternal” until you’ve been pregnant and had that child. It is a transition that happens after you physically become a mother. You can be great with kids and not want some of you’re own, you can be kind and caring and not maternal. There are instincts that kick in after you become a parent. You can’t know that because you don’t have children, but why on Earth would someone assume it makes them such less a woman? It bothers me to a point because I can’t help but wonder if they hate children… I can fully understand not being sure if you want to have children, or wonder if you’ll be ready for children (though I don’t think anyone can ever be fully prepared for parenthood). I’ve been there not so long ago, but they are our future.

As for the second, what?! I am a stay at home mommy for almost two years now, and they have been the absolute best two years of my life! I struggle because I’m worried I’ll have to get a job and not be given the privilege of seeing my baby grow and watching every milestone no matter how small. I sometimes sit and just watch my child and just smile because he’s learned SO much in such a short time and he’s turning into this wonderful little boy. How can a mother possibly let her will to be independent and powerful come before raising her own flesh and blood? It baffles me. If you believe your children are an inconvenience to your career and life… Why did you have any? It breaks my heart to read such things. I’m sure the children will turn out “just fine” and be socially acceptable, but would you want your child to read that? Do you want your children to have a slight doubt and believe that they were a burden to you? I grew up thinking that and the outcome wasn’t a pleasant one. We need to be examples and watch ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for what we say and do, as I mentioned earlier, they are our future. We need to be strong leaders and care about more than just ourselves.
On a side note, as kids get older, generally they get easier to take care of it they were such a heavy burden, they become more independent every minute so I doubt that you having your life where you want it is the only thing making things easier now and the fact that your children are able to take some care of themselves is a major part in that as well.
They only stay young for such a short time, they won’t always want a mommy hug or be held and comforted, why oh why would you push away what time you do have to be their mommy?

Now that I got all that of my chest, I must get some sleep now, or it will never happen.

MommyGraham

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