Usborne Books&More

Let me just take a minute and boast about Usborne Books&More. A new feiend of mine had just become a consultant and I just wanted to help her out by hosting a party for her with hopes of getting some free books for my boys. I had vaguely heard about Usborne but didn’t know that much about them. After talking with my friend for quite awhile, a few hours before my party, I turned it into my launch party! I became an Usborne Books&More Consultant.

Since then, I have found some truly amazing books and my wishlist is SO long. There are so many fantastic ways to host parties, not just in-home or facebook, but kid friendly interactive parties. This is great. We are fairly priced in the book market, but having the 50% replacement policy and books that hold up to begin with make it that much better. If you’ve never browsed around their site, or have read one, held one… Go to my link and find a book for the young reader(s) in your life or a coloring book for yourself! These books are truly awesome.

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Double or Nothin’

Twins.

I knew I was pregnant pretty early and had an ultrasound done to check the pregnacy as the previous ended in a miscarriage. Everything was normal until that exciting 20 week unltrasound when you find out the gender. I found out the gender all right, but more shockingly, they found a second baby! Twins! I was having twins! Oh crap! I’m halfway through this pregnancy and there’s two! How did this get missed?! 

After all that settled in and I adjusted to the reality, things were great again. Everything went so well with the pregnancy, no complications, no swelling, the babies stayed within good measure of each other, & I made it 36 weeks! 

On day one of that 36th week, I was staring into the freezer looking for something to make for dinner. I was thinking to myself “come on boys, this would be the perfect time, I don’t want to figure out or make dinner, I want to eat at the hospital tonight!” Low and behold, seconds after my thought, my water broke! I yelled to my husband to get our son and himself ready to go, called my parents to come get the kid, and off we went to the hospital! Got checked in right away, in my room, all hooked up to the monitors, wonderful staff, doctors, and nurses. It was a grand ole time. 

Evening passed, the clock struck twelve, and then we were finally getting somewhere with the dialation and contractions! I was to be taken to the operating room as precaution in case a c-section was needed. 12:40 a.m. they check me and rush me off to the O.R. Twenty or so nurses and docs running around scrubbing up, putting coats and booties on, then woosh! 12:50 out pops baby A! My husband hadn’t even got the chance to get into the room yet, he had just got his coat on when the nurse went back to the room to get him and informed him he had missed baby A’s arrival. Now time for baby B. Or not.

Shortly after A’s arrival, my cervix decreased back to 4 cm dialated. This happens? Apperantly. 

They took me back to the room and had to re-induce me to get Baby B going again. What fun. Three hours later at 3:58 a.m. baby B finally made his arrival!

Three hours, one pound apart, I had two of the sweetest most precious little boys. 💙💙

Boundaries

Not so long ago, just over six weeks, I gave birth to the most handsome little twin boys. Yes, I’m bias. With these twins have come many sleepless nights. O.K., all of them have been. I am exhausted.

Through this time, many family and friends have been so kind in offering to come help and a few have come and stayed for a couple days so I can catch up on some sleep, or try to. It is greatly appreciated. I did indeed get sleep that I would not have gotten otherwise. 

However, it has become a pattern, that after these helpers leave, there is this list left or sent to me via text. This list contains “suggestions” and “advice.”

Now, this is not my first rodeo, I have a toddler, I’ve been through the baby stage, I know what I’m doing in regards to raising an infant. The first one turned out pretty well, so I know how I want to aim to raise these two. That being said, this list has things like “drink lots and lots, if you don’t put anything in, they can’t get anything out.” 1) that person has never breastfed before. 2) that’s not new news to anyone who’s breastfed. 3) I’m not just feeding one, but two, so excuse me if my supply is low on occasion. When one decides to take a growth spurt, he doesn’t leave much for the other. Though this is just meant to be a friendly reminder, I do not find it encouraging or helpful, but I’ll save my breastfeeding rant for another post. 

Other things have been included, such as my husband should do this or that and generally help out more. This one really aggravates me. You are not to decide what is deemed fit in my marriage and how our roles are divied up. My husband has basically put his schooling on hold for the past 6 weeks and has fallen behind significantly to stay home and help me. Though he got extensions and there have been/are holiday breaks for him to get things done at a slower pace, he still has put his family first. Being that he is a student and not working his butt off at a dead end job somehow makes him less of a man and a husband that insufficiently helps me out to the people around us. This I don’t understand. He is taking this time in our lives to better himself so he doesn’t end up like everyone else, it’s just as much time and energy as a regular job, so someday he won’t have to settle for a regular job. So please, do us a favor and keep your misunderstood/uneducated accusations to yourself. He is helping me out night and day as he can.

Another item was the life schedule of my toddler. Even before the twins, we didn’t have much of a schedule and the whole day doesn’t need to be time blocked. He’s fairly consistent when he wakes up, goes to bed, naps, and eats. Just not while you’re here because he’s excited and things are different. Don’t assume things based on your couple day stay. He is a toddler. He needs randomness and spur of the moment things to keep him going/accupied. I need that and I’m in my twenties! 

We greatly appreciate the meals that have been brought to us, hot and ready. They were eaten right away, when there wasnt much time or energy for either of us to cook. When you offer to bring a meal, it’s a huge burden off my shoulders for one night, that gives me a little more time to spend with my boys or have a few minutes to myself. That being said, if I’m told there is a meal coming, I expect it to be ready to eat or it just needs heated up. On more than one occasion, a meal was dropped at dinner time, frozen. This is not helpful. If you are going to bring a frozen meal, please specify and communicate that to the recipient. It was already dinner time and we were counting on eating right away once the food got here… Now, it’s rush around and figure something out so my oldest can eat, bathe, and get to bed. Meanwhile he’s running around being a cranky butt because “I ont dinner.”  This adds stress and craziness to an already stressed out, exhausted family.

Clean-up. Clean-up. Everybody do your share… Thank you for doing our dishes. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. So you put things in the wrong cupboard, that’s okay… This isn’t your house, I keep things in weird spots from lack of storage, I completely understand, I will find it, not a problem. What is a problem is when you go through my fridge, throwing out anything you want without consulting, and putting things in the fridge that do not need to be there. I jokingly look in the fridge for lost items, mostly to remind myself I’m still sane to a degree. When things actually appear in there unnecessarily, it confuses my “mommy brain” so please, if it wasn’t in there before, don’t move it. 

It’s hard enough to ask for and accept help most of the time, so make it easier on me by being a little more considerate and don’t passive-aggressively leave “life advice” after you leave. It’s not in the slightest bit encouraging or helpful. Communicate & if it’s not broke… Please don’t fix it, it’s not yours to fix.

Questions

I ran across something on Facebook that read:

Don’t like gay marriages? Don’t get one.
Don’t like cigarettes? Don’t smoke them.
Don’t like alcohol? Don’t drink it.
Don’t like drugs? Don’t do them.
Don’t like porn? Don’t watch it.
Don’t like sex? Don’t have it.
Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one.
Don’t like your rights taken away?
Don’t take anyone else’s away.

Yes we live in a free, very wealthy nation. We have the money to buy these items.

Yes we can make our own decisions and choose our lifestyles as we please.

Now let me change that to first person point of view.
“I make my own decisions as I please.”

I, my, I

It’s all bout “me.”

I’m sorry for you. You’ve been mislead.

It’s not all about you.

This world has gotton very cold. Hell is very close to actually freezing over because of the coldness of our hearts.

Where I grew up, if you saw someone who had their hands full and needed to go through a door, you helped them by opening the door or carrying their things momentarily. You wave or say hello to everyone you pass, whose name you know. You were generally friendly, not smug.

Since we’ve moved to our current place of residence, it’s a complete oposite atmosphere. It makes me angry and sad. It angers me because sometimes I need help opening a door or gate. When I’ve got a baby in one arm and groceries in the other, it’s not always easy to get from the car to inside our home. People pass me all the time and look at me like I’m incapable of doing simple tasks and they might catch a disease if they try to help me. Where did this mindset come from? It also saddens me because when I pass people and try to be friendly I get the same glazed over look. How am I supposed to get to know people and make new acquaintances if no one will even say hello? How shallow of people have we become?

Now more specifically on the subject of abortion, who decided it was a mothers right to kill a child. Once you’re pregnant you will always be a mother, just because a grown child dies does not mean you aren’t a mother anymore, they just aren’t with you anymore. When someone finds out they’re pregnant, they don’t look down at the test and say well a have time to decide if I will actually be pregnant or not. No. They look at the plus sign or double line and think Crap. I’m pregnant.
*If it’s not a baby then you’re not pregnant and at what point do you decide you’re pregnant?
They acknowledge the fact there is a child developing inside of them and they don’t want the responsibility, the lifestyle change, the reactions of people, or the consequences, they just want the problem to go away.
*When did we start hating children?

People always say put them up for adoption as an alternative, well that doesn’t always seem better, especially if the one considering abortion was adopted and had a terrible experience with that process. It cost money to feed, clothe, and educate a child, even at the most minimal level. Adoption is too expensive for even the “well off” people I know. They can definitely afford to raise the child and love the child, but they cannot pay to buy the child from the agency. If they are willing to pay for the child’s life expenses why should they have to pay a fee of such an amount that could pay for two other children’s life expenses, why not just let them raise all three? Chances are they want more than one, they just can’t afford to buy them. Though, that doesn’t give you the right to make a decision on how that baby’s life is to turn out. Even though they are apart of you by DNA, does not make them you and they won’t have the same life as you.

Secondly, there’s not a person out there who doesn’t like sex. Its just a healthy way of life to not have sex with every person you come in contact with, and to only have it with one person whom you love unconditionally. Otherwise you end up with mental problems such as depression or self shaming when you are not the sole person being loved.

Porn. It’s impossible to completely avoid and not look at. It you watch tv, you can’t know when it’s going to pop up in an ad or the background of a show. It’s not possible. If you go to a mall, you’re going to see it. If you’re driving in a car, you might see it on billboards, or other signs. If you use the internet, your bound to see it everywhere. You can’t physically avoid it by living an average life. That is a problem. We have no respect for fellow humans and their opinions. If I am going to hear out your view points and consider how your way of thinking works, why is it too much to ask that you do the same for me? Instead it’s often a my way or the highway mindset. I considered your view, now I want You to consider my view, and not just assume I’m the one in the wrong. I didn’t do that to you. If I had, how would I have known your side of the issue?

As for drugs and cigarettes, those are not rights you have. They’re choices you make to often cope with stress, that have consequences on your health. The world has confused a right with a decision.

Alcohol, moderation people, don’t be stupid. I don’t understand what is so fun about a hangover. Generally you don’t choose to have a migraine or the flu so why would you choose to have it all at once. If you’re not going to remember the immature stuff you did the next day anyway. Why bother wasting hours of your life without memory, having a migraine, and throwing up?

And finally, gay marriage. I wonder why do we even have a gay problem? I mean I’m gay relationships say one woman is always dressed like a man and is “the man of the relationship” and the men are usually feminine. So why not just do sex changes if that’s what your desires are? Then we’d only have one issue. If you’re gay and you’re reading this, why did you become gay? I’m going to assume it’s because of one of the following. You couldn’t find a decent opposite gender that cared about you (most likely starting at a young age) and you were interested in different things than most and a person of the same gender who understood you and cared about you became your lover. On the other hand it could be that you were not manly or feminine enough so you found someone of the same gender who was more than enough manly for a man or feminine for a woman and became close to them hoping you could become the woman or man you wanted. Instead you “fell in love” and became the opposite gender role in the same gender relationship. Do we not see that gays still model the traditional man/woman relationship?

MommyGraham

Elect a Leader, Please

Presidential election of 2016… The candidates are well, interesting. Marco has an ego about him, constantly enforcing “when I’m president” far too often, is he still looking for Polo? Trump doesn’t know what’s going on. Sanders is older than the U.S. itself. Bush is just another Bush. Clinton… Well let’s be honest, so we really want her in office for sake of having a woman leader… ? I think not. Everyone else I haven’t looked enough into to comment on but if you’ve heard them in the government spotlight for over 4 years, they’re already brainwashed and it’s just best to not to.

America, let’s go back to how it was. When the people of this great country chose who was best fit for the duties of the LEADER of this nation. Not just who can speak the best or come up with fast simple solutions of the top ten problems in society right now. Someone who meets the requirements and is a genuine person. When did we start picking from the most popular list to run our nation? You realize they’re in charge, right? Were letting DC become Hollywood. Hows about someone who’s not dramatic and doesn’t pick pointless fights that we can argue around the bush ’til were blue in the face and get absolutely no where. No one is going to be perfect. Also, remember, el presidente isn’t going to fix everything on his own as soon as he steps in office, it’s the government.

All I’m saying is if you’re gonna vote, vote for someone with values, not just because you disagree with them on one issue because the chances of any of the issues being fixed to everyone’s satisfaction are zip. Nada. If I want to buy a box of crayons, but I hate the color pink, I’m still going to buy the box of crayons. It’s not a popularity contest. Regardless of what the press wants you to believe. Its about who’s most qualified to be the LEADER of this nation.

MommyGraham

The Icing on the Cake, Quite Literally

Well I just finished up making a cake as a thank you/ departure gift for the chef here at the seminary. Wow. I was not expecting that response, at all. A well trained and seasoned chef gave little ol’ me so many compliments. Then offered me a job. And a possible on the side job. That about takes the cake.

I’m not sure what I was expecting but it certainly wasn’t that. I just know how much he works and what that kind of work is like and wanted to show my appreciation. It was probably my best cake though. Now, I need a nap.

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Why, Oh Why?

Tonight, my mind is spinning. So much going on in this world that is just absurd. My husband asked me to take a look at some posts and notes to help him with an assignment. As I began reading these comments, I became disturbed.

Some of the things I read went along the lines that if I am not maternal and essentially caring, then an I not a woman? And if not, what then am I?
And
The first five years I was a stay at home mom with my first two children, and it was the most work I will have ever done. Financially it made sense for me to stay home while my husband to work but when I got the chance to do what I wanted, we all agree I’m a much better wife and mother.

As for the first one, being a mother does not solely define you as a woman. Some cannot have children, some do not have children. That does not make them any less of a woman. However, you do not become “maternal” until you’ve been pregnant and had that child. It is a transition that happens after you physically become a mother. You can be great with kids and not want some of you’re own, you can be kind and caring and not maternal. There are instincts that kick in after you become a parent. You can’t know that because you don’t have children, but why on Earth would someone assume it makes them such less a woman? It bothers me to a point because I can’t help but wonder if they hate children… I can fully understand not being sure if you want to have children, or wonder if you’ll be ready for children (though I don’t think anyone can ever be fully prepared for parenthood). I’ve been there not so long ago, but they are our future.

As for the second, what?! I am a stay at home mommy for almost two years now, and they have been the absolute best two years of my life! I struggle because I’m worried I’ll have to get a job and not be given the privilege of seeing my baby grow and watching every milestone no matter how small. I sometimes sit and just watch my child and just smile because he’s learned SO much in such a short time and he’s turning into this wonderful little boy. How can a mother possibly let her will to be independent and powerful come before raising her own flesh and blood? It baffles me. If you believe your children are an inconvenience to your career and life… Why did you have any? It breaks my heart to read such things. I’m sure the children will turn out “just fine” and be socially acceptable, but would you want your child to read that? Do you want your children to have a slight doubt and believe that they were a burden to you? I grew up thinking that and the outcome wasn’t a pleasant one. We need to be examples and watch ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for what we say and do, as I mentioned earlier, they are our future. We need to be strong leaders and care about more than just ourselves.
On a side note, as kids get older, generally they get easier to take care of it they were such a heavy burden, they become more independent every minute so I doubt that you having your life where you want it is the only thing making things easier now and the fact that your children are able to take some care of themselves is a major part in that as well.
They only stay young for such a short time, they won’t always want a mommy hug or be held and comforted, why oh why would you push away what time you do have to be their mommy?

Now that I got all that of my chest, I must get some sleep now, or it will never happen.

MommyGraham